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SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

A FARCE COMEDY 
IN THREE ACTS 

BY "wm 

&ei#^0&=raRa.MA^WU^OMPM4Y 

Rule, Texas 

TIME: 1 HOUR 
Price 25 cents 



A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 



A FARCE COMEDY 



IN THREE ACTS 



BY ^fiSB- 



&6±i4Mit=UjLliAMAiJ^5^MPA^Y 

Rule, Texas 



TIME: 1 HOUli 
Prioe 25 cents 




A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 



r 

^1 






CAST OP CHARACTERS 

Judge J, W. Kent 

Clerk of Court ... Sam Maytield 

Sheriff W, T Hale 

Attorney FOR Plaintiff ... John Blackstone 

Attorney for Defendant . . Prank Paschall 

Plaintiff J. L. Barbee 

Defendant . . John Rosamond 

Mrs Mayfield . . ... ... Wife of Clerk 

Johnnie Son of Defendant 

J. T. Watchman .. . Witness 

Mrs. Watchman .... Wife of Witness 



TMPS6-006513 



CCID 22102 



A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 



ACT I. 

Scene— A room in the house of Mr. Watchman. Mr. 
Watchman walks into the room and picks up a paper 
and reads or glances at it. 

Mk. Watchman— Tliis paper reminds me of the fact 
that the trial of Harbee against my neighbor Rosamond 
comes off today, and I have been subpoenaed as a wit- 
ness. I consider the entire affair a notorious outrage; 
it is not only an imposition to take me from my work 
and compel' me to attend Court, but it is simply a per- 
secution against Mr Rosamond. There is neither 
sense, justice, nor reason in the whole case. 

The facts as I understand them, are as follows: Mr. 
Barbee has been running a stage coach line between 

the cities of. and .. (supply the 

names of your local towns) and when his stage coach 
was not on the road, he would keep it under his old 
shed, which was in a more dilapidated condition, if 
possible, than the coach; to keep the roof of this shed 
from tumbling in he had tied the rafters together by 
means of a grass rope. One Sunday afternon not long 
ago, while no doubt old man Barbee was on the river 
tish'ing, Mr. Rosamond's goat was out taking a walk, 
when he happened to see the grass rope that support 
ed the roof The temptation wa^ too great, he climbed to 
the top of the old stage coach, and I must say right 
here, he was the best looking animal I had seen on the 
coach for manv a day, he stood upon his hind feet and 
began to eat the grass rope, he had not been eating 
long when the roof fell with a crash, smashing the 
stagecoach and killing the goat. Now. Mr. Barbee 
has broughtsuitagninst Mr. Rosamond for the recovery 



4 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

of the damages he claims to have sustained. In my 
jud»^ement he ou^ht not to have a cent for his old stage 
coach; but I will j?o any way and ])retend to be very 
ignorant, "^rhe truth is I want lo go to Court any way. 

(Enters Mrs. Watchman, very much excited) dressed 
as a counti'y hou.se-wife just from tlie kitchen ) 

Mrs W. — Whom did you say you wanted to conrfr' 
Out with it, I heard what you said: I have been sus 
])ectnig something for a long time, and now I am going 
to liave the truth. 

(Mr. Watchman waving his hand towai-ds lier) 

Mr. W. — Calm, yc^urself, Madam; there is nooccRsion 
wMiatever, for such an outburst. I merely want lo go 
up to (supply name of local town) to- 

day in order to do a little courting, not that I ;im grow- 
ing tired of .vou, Oli, No, nur am I unmindful of all your 
many excellent qualitios, neither do I forget your sweet 
face and affactionated ways. I merely want to do some 
courting, jnst to keep fiom forgeting ail those delight- 
ful experiences thai made my young life worth the 
living. I wish that you would see that the pigs do not 
get into the garden and don't, fail to keep a wat(diful 
eye on the geese, for I don't want them to get into the 
turnip i:>atch again. Goodbye; I'm oft" 

Exit Mr. W. 

Mrs W — Oh Me! Has it come to this; and so soon? 
(Throws herself into a chair and hurries her face in 
her hands) To think that Jap would treat me so and in 
my own house too! (Gets up and walks about the room) 
I just won't stand such treatment. He i-alled me 
MADAM! T heard him (c-ries aloud) I'll go home and 
tell mama, all about it, ['II tell her that Jap is cr-uel to 
me, yes he is cruel, just as cruel and mean as be can 
be; the mean, cruel hateful man. I'll write him a note 
tirst. (Gets pajier and ]iencil) (she pronounces the 
words as she writes) Sir, I'll call him Sir, thats what 
I'll call him. I'll put it down in black and white. Since 
you)' cruel u n k i n d and unnatural conduct this 
morning I am thoi-oughly convinced that we must part 
(she takes a good cry.) I have put it down on this 
paper. I'll sign myself Respectfully, Mi's. Watchman. 



A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 5 

I'll add a post script: P. S. Goodbyn Jap, lot-ever; I 
know you will be sorry sometime, Sara. I'll put it 
here wIum-*-' he will st->e it. (Places the Inttei' on a table) 
"He said [should warch the pit's. I don't care if tfie 
warden eats up all the hojj^s on the place, and the turnips 
may simbly swallow the geese and I won't stop them 
I believe I'll go to (add name of IocmI town) tii'st, just 
to see who it is Jap is courting; I want to see who is 
taking my .Jap ;i, way from me. I am sure A. rs. May 
tif'ld will go with me. Exit Mrs. W. 

CURTAIN 

ACT IT 

ScKNE — Within the home of Mrs. .Maytield. Mrs. 
Miiytield sitting at a table reading a maarazine, dressed 
in a closo fitting cos tome, wearing glasses) (Mrs. Watch- 
man enters unannonced, still showing anger and excit- 
ment, afiei- the customaiy groetijig, Mrs. Watchman 
sjieaks.) 

Mrs. W — Mrs. Maytield I am in great trouble and 
distress; .Tap has gone off c<mrting and we almost quar- 
relled before he left. I want you to go with me to hunt 
the woman .laji has gone to see. 

Mrs M — Mrs. Watchman, you must certainlv be 
mistaken, Mr. Watchman would not court any one else, 
he has always devoted himself to you. 

Mrs W — Indeed I am not mistaken; he told me him- 
self that he was going to town to court just as he did 
when he was a young man. I have not forgotten .lap's 
ways, ivn- all those pretty thhigs heused to say to me. 
It is dreadful to think that he is at this moment court- 
ing any one else. 

Mrs M.- CAside) This is a joke that Mr. Watchman 
is playing on his wife, but he is so meek and so com- 
pletely henpecked that I don't see how he ever found 
courage enough to do it. (To Mrs. Watcliman) I will 
be i-eady in a moment. (Puts on her hat.) 

Exit of Mesdames Watchman and Maytield 

ACT III 

Scene Court room, Furniture: A table for Judge's 



6 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

stand, on which should be jjlaced some lar^e books law 
books preferable-a table for i.he Clerk on which should 
be placed a large book purportina: to be the docket. 
Persons, Judge, Clerk, Sheriff, Defendant and his Son, 
Attorney for Plaintiff, Attoi-ne.v for Defendant These 
when the curtain rises, should be sitting on the stage 
in their respective places, the Judge, at his table, the 
(.Merk at his desk, while the clients will be near iheir 
respective attorneys; the Sheriff may sit or stand in 
any convenient place. 

Judge— The Sheriff will call cour.t. 

(The Sheriff goes to the door and calls in loud slow- 
tones) 

Sheriff— Oh Yez, Oh Yez, Oh Yf z, The Honnrable 
Court ttf- --- is now open. 

Judge— The Clerk will call the first case <»n tiie non 
Jury Docket 

Clerk— The case of J, L. Barbee vs. John liosamond 
No. 562 

Judge — What says the plantiff in the Barbee Rosa 
mond case? 

Atty for Pltff. — In a moment Your Honor. 
(Takes the plaintiff aside and talks with him showing 
him some papers, then looking to the Judge says) 
Plaintiff is ready. Your Honor. 

Judge— What says the defendant? 

Atty. for Deft. — Defendant is ready, Yi>ur Honor. 

Judge — Present your case, 

Atty. EOR Pltff — Attorney takes a paper from 
his pocket and stands bef()re the Judge and reads the 
following plea. 
J. L. Barbee J 

vs. r No. 562 

John Rosamond ) 

J L Barbee complaining of John FJosamond would 
respectfully represent to the Court that both parties 
are citizens of the county of and state of 

That heretofore, towit; on the .... day of. . . A. D. 
191 . . plaintiff' was the owner and proprietor of a stige 
coach line, engaged in hauling people foi- hire between 



A SUIT FOK DAMAGES 7 

the towns of and ; that on said date ne was 

the owner of a staj^e coach which was reasonably worth 
$500 00; that on th i date and ye ir list above mentioned 
the same beinj^ Sunday, the |)lainbift" placed liis said 
coach beneath his shed; that a certain goat belonging 
lo the defendant with intent malice aforethought did 
then and tliere with the express purpose and intent of 
injuring this plaintiff, did wickedly and maliciously 
climb to the lo|j of said coach and did then and there 
eat, gnaw and chevv the grass rope that supported the 
r-(Mif' of snid shed causing the same to fall upon and 
tiestroy the said coach to plaintiff's damage $500.00. 

Wherefore, defendant became liable to plaintiff for 
said sum of money. Plaintiff" asks that he have judg- 
ment for his his said damages and for all costs of suit. 

A S. .limes, Atty. for Pltff. 

Attorney foi- defendant stands before the judge and 
reads. 

.1. L Bar bee ) 

vs. - No. 5G2 

John Rosamond ) 

And now comes the defendant in the above styled 
and numbered cause and denies each and every allega 
tion in plaintiffs Petition and demands strict proof of 
same. 

Tlip defendant now comes and pleads in reconvention 
and admits all of that part of plaintiff's Petition in 
which he says the defendant's goat ate the grass rope 
that supported the roof oyer his coach; and the defend- 
ant alleges that the plaintiff, with the intent to injure 
this defendant placed said grass rope where he did in 
Older to entice said goat to his death; that the plaintiff 
is di)"ectly resp(»nsible for the death of the goat and 
personally liable for the valu'^ thereof; that the goat 
was reasonably wofth 1*200.00. 

Wherefore defendant prays that he have judgment 
for his $200.00 and for all costs of suit. 

S. T. Gordon, Atty. for deft. 

Atty. for Pltfp — Your Honor, I would like to have 
Mr. Watchman called 

.Judge— The Sheriff will call Mr. Watchman 



R A SUFT FOR DAMAGES 

(Sheriff ^oes to the dooi- and calls in loud slow tones) 

Sheriff --. J. T. VViUch man, .1. T. Watchman, J. T. 
Watchman 

(Mr. Watchman enters in a shamblinji: j?ail) 

Judge— (To Clerk) Tlip Clerk will swear Mr. Watch- 
man. 

CLERK^(Holds np his riy^ht hand nnd says in a loud 
voice) Hold uj) .v«»ur rij^ht hand and be sworn. 

Mr. W — Walks back-ward, looks friiifhtened, and pre 
tends that he thinks they are j^oin^ to rob him) Hold 
up thar. Mister, you shant vob mo here in oi^en day- 

JurxiE — (Harshly) 'I'he r;iork does not wish lo r<>l) 
you, but swear- you, so liold up your riyrht hand ;ind bo 
sworn a.s the law demands, n<4 harm, whatever, is in 
tentled 

Mr. W. — (Walk's causiously toward thn clerk and 
holds up both hands.) 

Clerk- ( Holdintr up his i-ijjfht liand) Do you solemn- 
ly swear tiiat 1 he (widejice you shall <.jive in the cause 
now pendintr si all be the truth the whole truth and 
nothin*j: l)ut the truth, so help you Kod. 

Mr. W —You bet, that suits me to a "T ' for IhIIpu 
the truth is just where I shine. 

Clerk - (l^>intintJ• toachiiir-) Flave that seat Mr, 
W. takes seat shown him) 

Atty. for Pltff. — What is yoni- cop^ncMnen':' 

Mr. W —My WhatV 

Atty for Pltff— Your cojinonnny 

Mr. W. — You say you v»ant to Icnow my old woman? 
Now I did not come up here to be insultod nor to havp 
fun poked at me, so I'll «?o hom(\ (Starts to leave) 

Judge— The witness will take his seat and true an- 
swers make to all interroiratories that may be jiro- 
l)ounded to him by the attoi'neys, the Court would 
su«2:gest, howevei', that the attorneys would use such 
lanj^uaf^e as will be withiny:the scope of tho witness' 
comprehension. 

Mr W -Woll. J adjjre, if it, is all tho sam<> to you. I 



A SUIT FOil DAMAGES 9 

would prefer that he use the English language rather 
than the kind he uses, or the kind that is in th^ hope 
of condeinnntion that you speak of. (Witness takes his 
seat sii>wly ) 

Atty for Pltff — What is your name? 

Mr W —Oh, that is wliat you want to know, is it? 
Strange you did not say so long ago 

Atty for Pltff -Well, what is it? 

Mr W — I'm listening; goon. 

Atty. for Pltff — Tell me your name. 

Mr W — Jasper Tolliver Watchman, but Sara calls 
me Jap. 

Atty for Pltff— Well, Jasper, how old are you? 

Mr W. — How cold am I? You must be crazy to 
thinU a m m crazv at this season of the year. I nevei' 
f^lt more comfortable in my life. 

Atty for Pltff— I am not interested in the thermal 
condition of youi- body, I merely want to know your 
age. 

.Mr W — Well, it is strange you did not say so. 

Atty. for Pltff— Come, Jasper-, what is your age? 

Mr. W. — I aintgot no cage. 

Atiy for PLTFF^Howold ai'eyou; how many years 
have you lived. 

Mr. W. — Oh, T now understand what you are driving 
at T guess I am somewhere twixt twenty and thirty. 

Atty. for Pltff. — Where is your domicile ? 

Mr W. — 1 aint got nuthen like that; I did have the 
whooping-cough, but the doctor cured me. 

Atty. for Pltff. — T am not asking about the con 
dition of your health, I merely want to know where you 
reside 

Mr. W. — It don't seem to me it is any of your busi- 
ness where I hide; the fact is I never hide only when 
Sara gets mad and I don't ]:»ropose to tell you or any 
o ie else where that is 

Atty for Pt^tff — I don't care any thing about 
your family troubles, but I do want to know where you 



30 A surr Foii uamagks 

live. 

Mr. W. — You certainly iuive a straiiy^f* ^vay <>!' telleri 
what you want. 

Atty. for Pltff.— An.swei- my que.stioii. 

Mii. VV. — Certainly with pleasin-H. [ live in ... .county 
Texas in tliat little liouse back of Mr- Rosamond's past- 
u re. 

Atty. for Pltff. — What vocation do you rnliow-;' 

Mr W —I don't follow any ihinj^- like thai; I just 
follow Sara about. 

Atty. for Pltff.— What is your iiusinessV 

Mr. VV. — I aint trot no business. 

Atty. for Pltff.— Wiiat do you do for a livin^y 

Mr W. — Eat, drink, sleep, chew and smoke. 

Atty. for Pltff. — What work do you do, if ;in.\ y 

Mr W. — O, I work in the cotton patch if it jiint to 
wet, chop vvo.)d for Sai-ah, or else sit and suioUp. 

Atty. foli Pltff.— Are you personally a.quMiiiicd 
with thn parties to r,his suit? 

Mr. W. — Yes, f know tliat tro.it wf-ll; Iim wms my l)esi. 
chum, I also knew Mv. liosamond and old m;in R;n hi c. 

Atty for F^LTFF. — Do you |<now what cnnscd tlio 
distruction of Mr. liiirbee's stn^>' coachr' If so st;if.t> 
vvhiit caus.'tl it,. 

Mr W — Ijiearn Mr. Maylleld tell (Pointing toward 
the clerk) a heap 

Atty. FOR Deft. — Stop witness! Your Honoi-, wt- 
object to the witness tellin*'- what he has heard. 

.Judge— The witness will not state what any om- has 
told him, but, only what he Icnovvs and saw. 

Mr W— I hearn Mr. Maytield tell a heap 

Atty. for Pltff.— Hold on Mr. Watchman, you are 
disobeyin^^- the Court, you must not tell what the cl.-rk 
has told you. 

Mr VV. — He tdls me a li^vip about, tli" doins »{' law- 
yers. 

Atty. for Pltff.— Oh, that is what you h ivo h.-ard 
is ity You may proceed. 



A SUIT POR DAMAGRS 11 

Mil W. — But this is the first time I evei' saw the in- 
qi.iisitive set. Now about that old stage coach and goat 
1 can tell all [ know in a very few minutes. Two weeks 
ago iiist Sunday, [ knowed that we w;t.s a goin to iiave 
com pany, so 1 walked ovei" to Mr. Barbee's shed so 
Sara couldii't tind me when she would want me to cut 
stove wood I sat down under a tren and when I was 
almost aslepi), I liearn a most [)owei-t'ul curious noise, 
]t soundnd just, like this: b a a h [ was awful skeared at 
tirst for [ thought it was Sara acallin of me, but when 
[ lofikt^d around. I savv the old goat a walkin ui) the 
paudi toward the shed just as proud looking as could 
l)e, he reminded me ol a ■ (supply name of near by 
Lnwn] dude. When he got to the shed, he stopped and 
looked ai if, lilci^ he thmis/ht it was no good any way, 
any how he climbed np into the driver's seat, but he did 
stay there lon>j: jnst, iii((^ \\^ was afraid it would disgrace 
him, he then climbed c'e m on lop of the coach and 
walked all around and looked down just like he was a 
seein if it was safe. He tht^n st,oi>d upon his hind feet, 
and commenced to eat the grass rope, I saw him shake 
his nead and stamp his foot with ever so much gi'ass in 
his month, and a lookin just like you used to when you 
was a trying to grow a mustache. 

(Enters Me.sdames May field and Watchman) 

Mrs VV — Jai), .Tan, where is she? 

Judge —The Sheiiff will keep oi-der in the court 
loom. 

MiiS \y . — (Turning to the Judge) Well, Mister, Jap 
said hi' was a coming up here a ct)urtin and I just want 
to see the woman that is takin my Jaj) away from me. 
Jap aint nof)rdinai-y lookin fellow, but Ik^ is powerful 
winnin and ]~)ei"suadin when it comes to courtin. 

Judge — Madam, there is no won^an here and your 
husband is not courting. 

TVIrs. W — There is not! And he is not courtin is he? 
liut L know he is and you men are just takin his part 
against me. 

Judge — Madam, your husband was in possession of 
some valuable and imiiortant information that we want- 
ed to know, so he camo u|) InM'e not, t() court hut to tell 



12 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

us what he knew. 

Mrs. VV.— (Turning to Jap) Jap is that so? Speak 
out! (Jap hangs his head and looks meekly to one side) 
Did you come ail the way up here, after leaving your 
poor wife at home to watch the pigs and geese out of 
the garden, just to tell these men something that they 
wanted to know? Why did you not tell me? No, you 
won't tell your poor wife anything, but are hnppy, con- 
tented and satisfied, if your wife is at. iiome working 
and making a slave out of herself and you are in town 
talkin and loafin. Now Jap, you will come right home 
and tell me all about this important information, I'm 
the one you sh. uld tell such things to. 

[Japs gets up and meekly starts otf with his wife) 

Clerk— (Whistles and says) Aint he henpecked. 

SHER[PF-CGets up qui^klv^ and otf-rs chairs) Be 
seated Mr. Watchman, have these chairs, ladies, we 
excuse Mr. Watchman soon. 

Atty. for Pltff— You will proceed with your test- 
imony, Mr. Watchman. 

Mr W.— (meekly) I dun furgot it. 

Atty. for Pltff.— You were speaking ab<»ut the 
goat 

Mr W. — I dun fur.t ot about the goat. 
Atty. for Pltff —You forgot what? 
Mr W. — Idnn furgot what I furgot. 
Atty. for PLTFF.-Did the goat eat the rope through? 
Atty for Deft — We object to the que>tion. you 
are leading your witiiess. 

Atty. for Pltff — D>you know whether the goat 
ate the rope in two, if s.> state the facts. 

Mr. W. — While the goat was a chewin on the j-opn, 
the old shed fell to the ground smashing the coach into 
kindlin wood and killin the goat 

Atty. for Pltff —(To Atty, for Deft.) You may 
take the witness. 

Atty. for Deft.— Mr. Watchman do you know what 
caused the old shed to fall? 

Mii. W — ^No, I don't, but it been lookin like it wanted 



A SUIT FOR DAMAGES IB 

to fall lor the past yeai". 

Atty. for Deft. — Do you know what caused the 
death of the j?oat, if so state the cause? 

Mil. W,--Yes Sir, I know all about it. Mr. Barhee's 
old shed fell upon him and squashed him. 

Atty. for Deft. — You may be excused., 

Mrs W. — (.Jir]<in<< .lap's arm) Come with me, .lap, 
I'm tjoin.i? to laU-e y(»n home and keep you there. (Ex- 
cuse Mrs and Mr. W. Mrs. May field) 

A i'TY. FOR Pm^FF. — Mr. Barbee will come forward 
and be swoi-n (Mr. Barcee comes forward and is sworn 
by the clerk, he then takes tiie witness chaii') 

Atty. for Pf/rFF. — What is your name, aj?e and 
occupation? 

Mr B.^-My name is Barbee, a<jfe thirty-five years, 
and nly occupation was that of owner and general man- 
aofer of the . . , (supply nnmes of local towns) sta^e 
coar^h line, but at pi-esent, I have no occupation. 

Atty. for Pltff. — You will state to the Court, why 
at present you have no em|>loyment. 

Mr B — My staa^e coach was broken to pieces by the 
wi'itjht of th'^ shed that was caused [,■■> Call ujion it by 
Mr Rosamond's goat. 

Atty. for Pltff — VVtiat was the value of the stage 
coa(*h? 

Atty for Deft -fvvith much spirit) We object to 
the question 

.TlTDGE — State you I- objection. 

Atty for Deft, — The attorney, your Honoj- has not 
qualified his witness 

Atty. for Pltff. — Do you know tlie value of the 
stage coach, if so state its value? 

Mr B. — I know the value of the stage coa-^'li it was 
worth 1500.00 

Atty. for Pltff. — If you Icnow, as you say, that 
Mr. Rosamond's goat caused the shod to fall upon the 
(oacli, state how he did it. 

Mr B — Mr. Rosamond's goat, a vicious and un- 
neighborly b(^ast, ate the grass rope that held the 



14 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

rafters, which, then, being without support fell. 

Atty. for Pltff — (To atty. for deft.) You may 
take the witness. 

Ay. for Deft — Did you see the goat eat the rope? 

Mr. B.— I did not. 

Atty. for Deft — Then, you do not know of your 
own knowledge what caused the shed to fall"? 

Mr. B.— (with spirit) But I feel quite certain 

Atty. for Deft. — Hold on! Answer my question 

Mr B — (becoming excited) Of course I didn't spo 
the beast eat the rope, but anybody knows 

Atty. for Deft. — (inten-upting witness) Then is it 
not probable that the rott<^'n condifon of the shed, rath* 
ec than the goat, caused it to fall. 

Mr H — NO STIv, my shed was safe and strong, good 
fo'- twenty years. 

Atty. for Deft — Is it not n Ifict that you do not 
Icnow any thing at)out the faliijig of the shed? 

Mr B — No sir. it is not a fact. 

Atty for Deft — Is it not n fact Mr. Bai-heo, that 
you and the goat were not on friendly terms? 

Mr B — Well, I can't say tliat, I liked him very niixh 
but I never had any words with him. 

Atty FOR Deft. — You may i)H excused. (Mr Bar 
bee takes his seat by his Atty. and drys his face with a 
large red handkerchief ) 

Atty. for Pltff. — We vest. 

Atty. FOR Deft. — Mr. Rosamond will be s\vorj>. 
(Mr. R. comes forward and is swoni l)y the clerk, he 
then takes the witness chair ) 

Atty. for Deft — Are you the defendant i>i this 
case? 

Mr. R. — I am. 

Atty. for Deft — Tell the comt all you know, if 
any thing, about the coach and the goat. 

Mr R. I, had a very tine goat, worth $200.00, I 
found him crushed to death beneath the wrpcU' of Mr 
Barbee's coach and shod. .VI y son .lohnnif used hiu) 



A SUIT FOR DAMAGES n 

to draw a little wa^on loaded with patatoes and such 
like. 

John. -jib:— (half crying) Pa, I want my goat back. 
(Mr. Rosamond continues with his statement) The goat 
was peaceable, quiet and not given to mischeif. 

Atty for Deft. — (to Atty. for Pltff.)You may take 
the witness, 

Atty. for Pltff. — I have no questions, you may be 
excused. 

Judge— The attorneys may now present their argu- 
metits. 

CAttorney for Plaintiff steps forward and speaks) 
Youi' Honor, it is with no mean pleasure that we 
appear before you today; yea, we can truly say that the 
pleasure we feel is exceedeed only by the justice of our 
cause. We come, not as suppliants, pleading fo" mercy 
but- as law abiding citiz«^ns asking, yea, demanding 
justice and justice only. 

Let^' us. Your Honor, look to our cause. We allege 
and have shown that the plaintiff is an honorable man 
engaged in an honorable and legitimate business, that 
• f transjiorting for hive the weary traveler over hill and 
down dale; that he was the owner of a valuable s*^age 
coach which was a prerequisite to his business. We 
tind that this plaintiff one Sunday about two weeks ago, 
with due care and precaution, had placed his coach 
beneath the sheltei-ing roof of his strong and com- 
modious shed, and in ordei-, your Honor, to make it 
doubly safe, he made the rafters f)f the shed secure by 
means of a strong and substantial grass rope. Let, us 
then follow this plaintiff to his quiet and peaceful home 
where we believe he spends this day of rest in pious 
meditation in the bosom of his worthy family. 

Now, your Honor, let u« \onk at the offending party, 
Mr. Rosamond's goat We see him with intent malice 
in his heart, bent upon mischief, disregarding the 
sanctity of the day, deliberately walks to the shed 
where in persuance of and with his diabolical and 
atrocious intent and purpose, he maliciou.-^ly eats the 
grass rope and destroys the valuable pi'operty of this 
worthy plaintiff. Think, Your Honor, of the conster 



16 A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 

nati(m that swept like a deluge ovei- the heart of this 
])laintiff when he heheld the wonton destruction; think 
of his wife and helpless children suffering for the bare 
necessities of life all because his honorable occupation 
is gone, swept away by the vindictive act of Mr. Rosa 
monds wicked and unfeeling goat. I shudder when I 
think of the boldness of this animal; how he, uninvited 
mounted this coach. It doe< not nppeai- that he even 
offered to pay the price of his ride into eternity upon 
tliis illfated stage coacli, which fare we claim in addi- 
tion to the heavy damages we hope to recover. Think, 
Your Honor, of this beast, a menace to decent society, 
walking and stalking the world over, like Satan, seek 
ing whom he may devour and what he mny destroy. 

We leave our cause to your most excellent judgment", 
beliving as we do that right and justice, the synonyms 
of our jilea, will be awarded. 

(Speech of Attorney for Defendant) 
It is neither my intention nor desire, Your flonor, 
to annoy this honorable Court with a long, useless, and 
noneensical harangue as did the attorney who has just 
])i-eceded me. Not only is his sophistry disgusting in 
the extrenie, but his pretended arguments biing a 
blush of shame, when we think of the renouned pro- 
fession to which he belongs. 

Let us. Your FTonor, for a moment look to a, few of his 
vain attempts. Redoes not d«Miy that tlip unfortunate 
and deeply lamented goat vva.s. against his will, crcnvel- 
ly and wickedly hurled into eternity; yet, this misguid- 
ed attorney in his wild and fastastic zeal so fat over 
steps the bounds of all reason and logic as to claim that 
the goat should pay for his unhappy ride. This ak^ne 
shows that the author of sur-h fallacy is incapable of 
even discussing with any degree of reason the question 
at bar; it not only shows but ])i-oves conclusively that 
he has no comprehension of the real issue in this case. 
But we are n^^t through. If the plaintiff earnestly and 
sincerely desired to make his dilapidated shed safe and 
pi'otect his almf)st worthless coach from destruction, 
why did he use so frail and uncer4.ain a means as a 
grass rope. In this act. Your Honor. [ set- a palpable 
and obvious trap 11'^ well l\new the woi-n out condition 



A SUIT FOll DAMAGKS 17 

of l)oth coach and shed, and it is move than likely that 
lie placed this teniptintif morsel *'L* {^rrass in order to en- 
tice this innocent and unsuspected goat to his death 
and nt the same lime bring about the destruction of the 
coach, thinking, no doubt, that he could inveigle, Your 
Honor, into awarding a large sum in his favor. 

Think' of this goat in all his purity and innocence go- 
ing out on a Sunday afternoon to take a walk, no doubt 
for the benefit of his digestion and to admire the beau- 
ties of nature; but, Ol> Horror, think of his tragic end! 

We not only claim that this plaintiff on account of his 
contributory negligence is not entitled to recover a cent 
for his supposed loss, but is responsible for the un- 
timely and mournful death of the goat and is directly 
rpsponsil)Ie and liable for his value. 

Phe plaintiff asks that you give him justice, we say 
let him have it, by awarding this defendant judgment 
agninst him for the value of the goat and all costs <^f 
suit. 

We now submit the case to Your Honor's unerring 
judgment. 

•JuDGK — In order that the (lourt may cai'efully con- 
sider the matters and things so clearly set forth by 
the learned counsel, it will take the case undei* advise- 
ment until tomorrow morning at which time a decision 
will he rendered. The Sheriff will adjourn court. 

Sheriff — O Yez, O Yez, O Yez, The Honorable Court 
is now odjouimed. 

CURTAIN 



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